Former porn star Marli Jane speaks out on her violent career in porn and the horrors of the porn industry. Marli was active in the porn industry from 2006-2010 and did about 30 hardcore films. She also ran a porn agency. She is on a mission to warn people about the harms of pornography.

SL: Marli, how did you get into porn?

MJ: I was "scouted" on MySpace. Promised fame and fortune and networking to meet people in the music industry. My first agent was a cool guy. I remember going to an "audition" for a scene, not knowing there is NO SUCH THING as an audition. I took a bus from San Diego to San Pedro with dreams of being a star (music). I got to the place to find myself helpless and raped for the first time by a very large black man. I had not even known many black people growing up. I am not racist but I have a really hard time even talking to any black men because all I can see is them throwing me down, holding me down and having their way with me. He threw me out and tried to not pay me. I ended up getting $20 and my first of many rapes.

SL: How many movies did you do?

MJ: The least amount I could to pay my rent and make sure I could afford drugs and alcohol to erase my memory. I tried to do mostly internet, thinking it wouldn’t ever be seen by my family. I was so misled. My family found out and I was so ashamed. I was NEVER sexually abused as a child. My parents were and still are the best parents I could have ever asked for. I was adopted by my grandparents when I was two because my birth parents struggled with drug addictions. But when I was in high school I was somehow convinced that a blowjob was innocent and would make guys like me. It worked...

SL: Were you ever promised you would be kept safe if you tested every 30 days? 

MJ: Of course.  They take pride in keeping the actors/actresses "safe".  What a joke though, we all know that most of the women are also prostitutes on the side and the men often are "gay for pay". They need to test before every scene every time. It's like wild animals running rabid and spreading diseases like wildfires. I have seen well-known men actors shoot up their penises with dirty needles to keep an erection for the entirety of filming. It doesn't really turn you on to say the least.

SL: Are promises made to men who want to become male performers?

MJ: Men that don't know about the industry behind the scenes think it’s a fun job. Well, there is a lot of pressure on them to perform and be aggressive, keep their erections and deliver the money shot on command.

SL: What are some of the obscene sex acts on the porn set?

MJ: “Squirting” is not actual squirting most of the time. It's urine or a douche that you fill with water and hold it in until you are told to release it. They keep coolers of beer and water on set for you to drink enough to be able to urinate on the poor person that probably didn’t know before signing up that they were going to be peed on by more than 20 women.

“Bukkake”.  Most women don't really understand what they are getting into. A group of men standing around only you and masturbating until they ejaculate all over them or perhaps in a cup or bowl so they can drink it all. I believe one of my old "friends" did 50 guys. Yuck!

SL: Does porn offer women a family type atmosphere or lifelong friendships?
MJ: Friends?  None of these people are your friends. They only like you when you do drugs with them, party with them and/or get them work which equals more money. Greedy. Truthfully, they were never really there to begin with.

Once people realize you are in porn they automatically think you will do sexual favors for them. I have been out for years now and I still get hit up constantly to just have sex or give them a blowjob. To my surprise after turning them down I actually got told that they respected me for that. It made me feel good. :) Some just completely ignore me now. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

SL: Did you catch any STDs and if so, did you catch them repeatedly?

MJ: I think the only one I DIDN’T get was HIV. I had HPV first. Many operations to nearly remove my entire cervix. It was very painful. Then Chlamydia and Gonorrhea so many times I lost track. I remember waking up one morning in a puddle of blood. Can you imagine what goes through your head when you wake up in a puddle of your own blood and don’t know where it came from? Turns out that meant I had Gonorrhea.

SL: Did you work with an STD?

MJ: We all did. No one cares. They just want the money. The only time people don’t work with an STD is if a guy has a visible herpes sore. That's about it.

SL: What types of abuse and violence against women did you see on the set?

MJ: This is a tough one. They are all pretty violent, ripped vaginas and anuses. Women getting hit in the face. The verbal abuse is never-ending. Calling women names like whore, slut and bitch.  You name it, they call you it. It's hard for a woman to be taken seriously on set. Not only does the "talent" want to pound you senseless, the entire crew wants some too. I have gotten caught up in falling for that. They promise you more work and that they will recommend you to all the directors they know. Not true- they just wanted you to suck or fuck them.

SL: Were women crying, screaming, repeatedly saying no, or vomiting?

MJ: Many times. I had a house where my business partner allowed a certain company that is infamous for their raunchy scenes. I remember hearing, "Tell her to shut up, and just throat f*&@ her until she pukes. That's what we want."  Tears rolling down her face as she had been completely humiliated and vomited all over herself and everywhere. A woman’s first anal scene is one of the worst things to watch. I would always come home and cry knowing I had just been treated like a piece of useless meat. You can only be told you are a useless whore so many times before you start to believe it.

I also tried to run an agency where my girls would come home crying because they had been pounded so hard they could hardly walk. Anal tears, vaginal tears. Bruises, cuts, scrapes.  Complete horror.

One time a girl did a scene and forgot she had a tampon in. When she got back to the house we had to figure out how to get it out of there and it was not pretty.

SL: Describe your worst scene.

MJ: I went to do a spanking video.  Turns out they were short on their caning videos, so I agreed to do it. I was on Xanax and probably drunk and high. I thought it would be kind of a "fake" scene. The woman had absolutely no mercy and beat me so hard with a good sized bamboo stick that I instantly had purple welts all over my backside. I cried the hardest I had ever cried doing a scene. After she was done unleashing her fury, she then placed me in a jail cell where I cried for about an hour on the mattress inside. I ordered my agent at the time (my business partner later) to have someone get me a bunch of Lortabs (pain killers) as soon as possible so that I could walk and possibly sit down.

SL: Were drugs and alcohol available on the set? Did you bring your own?

MJ: Both. Everyone does drugs and drinks alcohol. It's part of the coping mechanism we all need in order to do our "job". I did it all. Alcohol every day, all day. Cocaine, Crack, Meth, Heroin, pills. Anything to help me forget how I had gotten all that money in my wallet. That stupid thing where they ask you in the beginning of filming if you are under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Everyone lies.

SL: You told me you were a Madam and a porn director. Explain ways you hurt the women? Explain what it’s like on the other side. 

MJ: I thought I would be better off being on the other side of the camera. I got a business partner (that was a known crack-head), investors, a beautiful house and about 10-15 girls. It was gated with a pool, jacuzzi, waterfall and 2 barbecue pits. 4 bedrooms with an additional room in the garage.  It started out ok. The girls were gorgeous and the production companies LOVED them.

My business partner (well known in the industry as a crack-head agent) usually had to do the dirty work. I didn’t have the heart to convince these cute tiny 18 year old girls to do their first anal scene.  But she had absolutely no problem with it since that’s how she supported her drug habit.

I quickly watched myself ruin these young girls by helping them get into drugs, partying all night and thinking it was ok to do porn. They got a little lazy as we all do, I think, and began prostitution. It’s fast money. You don’t have to be on set all day and you can get them to bring you gifts, drugs, alcohol.

My beautiful home quickly turned into a crack-house brothel. One of my "friends" had been heavily addicted to Vicodin pills, taking 10-15 at a time. She had thought she bought Vicodin one day and they turned out to be Seroquel. They were bought from a doctor so he had to have known. I was outside mowing my lawn and one of my girls came outside and said that "Anna" (made up name) was inside and being a dumb bitch and she told me to go look at her. When I got to her room I saw a helpless girl, blue in the face, urine all over herself, only wearing a shirt and she had so much dried spit all over her face that her hair was stuck to it. She was trying to talk to me but her tongue wouldn’t work.

I had to quickly call all of the girls to remove all drug paraphernalia from the house and then call an ambulance as I was sure she was going to die right there in front of me in my own house.  It was all so overwhelming, I got to a point where even the drugs and drinking couldn’t help me to forget the things I had done and witnessed. I was scared to leave because I had investors that had put a lot of their money into my company.  I was also scared because I didn’t know anything else and didn’t think I would ever be able to make enough money to support myself or would be accepted in the "real world".

SL: Why did you go from porn star to porn director?

MJ: I was never a director. I wouldn’t call myself a star either. I did porn, or maybe porn did me. I thought being a Madame would be the farthest away I could get from it. I was so completely wrong. It is so very hard to get away from the industry. They brainwash you and make you think that it is all you will ever be good at and that the "normal" world will never accept you.  I have a hard time being able to know which was actually worse. Porn or Madame. One of my girls got into it to support her son. I still feel bad about her. The other girls got her addicted to methamphetamine and alcohol. I hope she is doing ok now. I pray for her often.

SL:   Did you ever see a pornographer pressure a woman into sex acts she didn’t want to do?

MJ: Absolutely! They tell you they will keep hiring you and you will make more money. They also use drugs and parties and celebrity encounters as bait. They are like car salesmen!  They convince you to do things without giving you time to think about the effect it will have on you. It’s like an up-sell. They tell you that all the girls eventually end up doing it.

SL:   Why did you decide to leave porn? 

MJ: I always knew it just wasn’t really my thing. I needed to be able to survive on my own. I had just left my husband who always called me a whore. So I decided to show him a real whore. I decided to leave when I woke up one day after a cocaine binge, bomb threat, a man on my roof trying to break in, and witnessing so many horrible things that I abandoned my home and moved into a dungeon. That's a whole other story, but I eventually got out of that as well and got a "normal" job.

I wouldn't go back to porn even if someone offered me $1 Billion.

SL:   Has Pink Cross helped you in any way?

MJ: I remember meeting you (Shelley <3) at a convention. You were the first person to tell me that I was better than that and that God loved me and forgave me for everything. I took me a while to actually believe it. It sparked a flame inside me that eventually led to my fire I have today.  You and The Pink Cross are a blessing to women like me. I don't know how to thank you. I hope my story (even though it's not all of it) will help to deter/prevent at least one woman from going through anything I did.

SL: I love you and am so proud of you. I remember we also hung out at Porn Star Karaoke and you were singing your heart out while I cheered you on. So awesome how God works in even places like that.

SL:   Marli, what are you doing now with your life? Did God help you leave porn?

MJ: I am currently working in the entertainment industry as a Sales Executive. I am moving onto being an Art Manager for a very talented oil painter. With my new job I will be able to focus on starting my own business and devoting much of my time to my new band. I am also working on developing a support group for young adults that come to Hollywood to fulfill their dreams (especially young women). I have a voice that needs to be heard. Not just because it sounds nice but because I can give people hope and help them to realize that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have been told by many people that I inspired them to be better people. I hope to continue doing so for the rest of my life. I believe it is what I was put on this earth to do and will not stop until I my last heartbeat.

God helps me constantly. I have endured so many things where I thought I was completely alone. I know in my heart that I am alive today because I am His child and He loves me unconditionally.

One of my favorite Scriptures I want to share is this one:

Psalm 34:18: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.